Last night we were arguing and he punched the wall right next to my head. He didn't touch me, just the wall. He said he would never hurt me but I felt the air move when his fist went by my face. I can't stop thinking about it.
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He made a joke about my weight in front of his friends. When I pulled him aside later he said "God, can't you take a joke? You're so sensitive." But it wasn't funny. It was mean. And now his friends probably think I'm uptight.
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He said "you're lucky I put up with your anxiety, no one else would deal with this." I believed him. Now I'm terrified to leave because what if he's right? What if I am too much?
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He made me turn on location sharing "for safety." Now he texts me if I'm somewhere I didn't mention. He'll say "I saw you were at Target, why didn't you tell me?" I feel like I'm being watched constantly.
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He gets drunk and mean. He'll yell, throw things, call me names. The next morning he apologizes and blames the alcohol. It happens every weekend now. I'm starting to plan my days around whether or not he'll be drinking.
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He needs a full report every time someone texts or calls. "Who was that? What did they want? What did you talk about?" I'm exhausted from explaining every single interaction in my day. My friends have stopped reaching out.
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I told him about something that happened to me as a kid and he said "that wasn't even that bad, you should be over it by now." I haven't brought up my feelings since. I don't think he wants to hear them.
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Whenever we fight he goes completely silent for days. No texts, no calls, nothing. Then suddenly he's back like nothing happened and I'm so relieved I apologize for whatever he was mad about just to keep the peace. I don't even know what I'm apologizing for anymore.
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He questions every purchase I make even though I work full time. "Why do you need new shoes?" "That's a waste of money." But he buys whatever he wants. Last month he wouldn't give me grocery money because I "wasted" $30 on books.
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I've told him three times I don't like being tickled. Every single time we're together he does it anyway and laughs when I get upset. He says I'm being dramatic and can't take a joke. But I asked him to stop. Why doesn't that matter?
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He said "you look great for once" when I got dressed up for dinner. When I got quiet he said I was being too sensitive. His compliments always have a dig in them. I don't even feel good when he says something nice anymore.
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He keeps pushing for things I've said I'm not comfortable with. When I say no he pouts or calls me a tease. Last night he said "if you really loved me you'd try." Now I feel guilty for having boundaries.
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He shoved me into the counter and then said "look what you made me do." I'M the one with a bruise but somehow I'M the one who caused it. He keeps saying if I didn't push his buttons this wouldn't happen. I'm starting to believe him.
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When he's angry he drives like he wants to kill us both. He'll speed, run lights, swerve between lanes while I'm begging him to slow down. He says if I didn't make him so mad he wouldn't drive like this. I'm terrified every time we argue in the car.
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We fought until 4am even though I had work at 7. I kept saying I needed to sleep and he kept saying "we're not done talking about this." I was so exhausted I agreed to things I didn't mean just to make it stop.
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He's been "going to therapy" for six months. Nothing has changed. He still yells, still breaks things, still blames me. I think he's just saying it to buy more time. I'm tired of waiting for different.
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He came up behind me and put his hands around my neck "as a joke." I froze. When I told him it scared me he said I was being overdramatic and he was just playing. But there's nothing funny about not being able to breathe.
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He "playfully" shoved my dog with his foot when she got in his way. He's made jokes about hurting my cat. When I got upset he said he was kidding and I'm too sensitive. But I've started keeping my pets away from him.
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He told me all four of his exes were "psycho" or "crazy." At first I felt special, like I was different. Now I realize I'm about to be crazy ex number five the second I stand up for myself.
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He ignored me for five days after I said I needed space. Then yesterday he showed up with flowers and apologies and promises. I was so relieved I took him back immediately. Now I'm realizing this is a pattern. Punish, then reward. Repeat.
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